Over

When you start writing sucicide notes to all you know. To be delived after your death, you know its time to finally end things. Im so done with this world. I just wish I could give my life to someone deserving. 

The Flood Gates

I try to hold the gates closed as cracks appear leaking pain. I paint over them with a smile and pretend there is no flood. I see the sky with dark clouds overflowing with grief ready to overpower me, tears begin to leak through as my dam begins to break and I run for the raft I had waiting but find it is gone or was never really there. 

The rush of my fears and agony come crashing upon me and sweep me away. I pray for death as the ache in my life is released flooding the crumbling gates of my heart. I scream for a lifeboat and people look on in scorn asking why I just can't swim. The disgust in their eyes brings the rains from the clouds and I am buried in hopeless thoughts. All I can do is allow the current to take me along it's decaying tide of suffocation. 

It would have only taken one hand to pull me from flux of suicidal thoughts. But now I stand on this ledge alone wanting the end of it all. The thought of this brings a release and I can start to breathe. I know it will not last long before the lock breaks again so I look out on the world of everything I will miss and let myself grieve for the hope and all that was taken from me and jump. 

Watercolor

I think I will call this birds in a color storm. I enjoyed making this. I have missed painting. 

Nightmares

Crawling in my sleep unable to weep, 

Thrashing to and fro haunting nightmares as they flow;

Dreams of pain locked inside bursting free and open wide, 

Soundless cries within the night fighting back with all my might;

Anxieties float free in sleep bringing to life things buried deep, 

Creeping in my mind at night things I hide from myself in light;

Morning creeps within my room darkness laughs as it looms, 

Cradled in its arms so firm I begin to battle hard and squirm; 

Falling deep inside my dreams I run so hard and all but scream,

Blaring light surrounds the walls bringing wakeful morning calls. 

There I sit up in my bed heart is pounding filled with dread, 

My mind is blank and all I know is something happened long ago. 

Inside of me

Drifting off into space, emptiness envelops me

My life feels like a waste, Darkness surrounding me

Forget this pain, forget who I am

Forget I am plain, forget I am damned

Staring into the night’s sky I see the stars are laughing at me

Laughing at my shame, laughing at my pain

Laughing at a life I can’t flee.

Despair creeps through my veins

As I try to liberate it from its cage

Flowing free a red sea of rage

Mirrors harass me as pictures fall; images of me come off the wall

I can see it where ever I go, cause wherever I am I still know

There is the monstrous side of me, and I hate that monster I can be.

Parody

Falling Light